05 April 2021

Dear Laca,

On the subject of my biggest regret, Nonni...

Idk why but I just need to share this with someone…

This is weird for me because I make it a habit not to regret anything. I don’t see the point when you can’t affect the past. I do allow myself this one regret, though.

When I was in college, Papa (my grandpa) died and Nonni was all alone in her house. Her son, my Uncle Pauly, lived down the road. But I got the sense that they didn’t see her all that often.

My biggest regret is that I never invited her to live with me in my apartment when I graduated. In hindsight, I lived in a place she would have loved. My work was right across the street so I could have come home for lunch. The palladium was across from my office, so we could have seen shows and concerts all the time. She would have had me to talk to, which keeps an old lady’s mind strong. And I could have driven her to her doctor’s appointments and family events.

Idk why I didn’t offer. Actually, I might have even mentioned the idea to her, but I probably wasn’t super serious about it.

It would have been fun, though. To girls living downtown (Carmel). It was exactly her speed, and she was exactly my speed.

I think being alone is what aged her really fast in those few years she survived Papa. I regret not being there for her. I regret the time I could have had with her. It makes me feel so selfish.

❤ your mother