23 September 2021

Dear Laca,

On the subject of I think you should do casual sex instead of date...

Okay I know this is going to make me a bad mother, but I want to actually encourage you to prefer casual sex over relationships in high school and college (and if not college, your apprenticeship if you become some sort of artist or craftsman).

I mean I guess dating would be a good test to see who you are in a relationship. Because you will be a different version of yourself depending on who you date. There will be partners who bring out better versions, and plenty who will bring out worse versions. Really being aware of that will help you define what you need in your partner to make you better than you otherwise would be alone. Because if the relationship doesn’t benefit you in a way other than to resolve your loneliness, it’s totally - in my humble opinion - DEFINITELY NOT worth all the work of maintaining a relationship. Right now we’re talking about romantic relationships, but I think the same thing could be said for your friendships or even familial relationships. Toxicity does not descriminate 😜

BUT OKAY so my point is that relationships take so 👏 much 👏 fucking 👏 time and effort.

And when you’re in school, you have so much else going on that - to me, at least - it doesn’t make any sense to spend that much energy on somebody who’s not you. So, that is why I am going to encourage you to make romance a peripheral part of your life. Totally go off and have sex, you’ll need it if you’re hard at work. But it shouldn’t take that much work out of your day. Because with casual relationships, literally, you send a text to whatever booty call you have and you have sex and then that’s it. There’s no other effort outside of that couple hours (minutes? ditch him if so). You don’t have to maintain that relationship at ALL. You can literally forget that person exists until the next time you have sex. And it is a great outlet for intimacy - I don’t know how healthy it is, so you may want to check in with a licensed therapist lol - but I just want you to consider all of the time that you’re going to get back from caring about somebody or trying to coordinate with somebody else’s schedule. It just doesn’t seem worth it to me, when you are focusing on your dreams and who you want to become in life.

I would do all of that for yourself first before actually giving a fuck about anybody else. Because you’ll have the whole rest of your life to sacrifice what you want so that the people you love can be happy, and before you let yourself love someone that much, you should love yourself that much.

It is just my opinion, and one that probably makes me the worst mother ever but I love you and so I want you to think about it at least. Lol don’t tell your father 🙈

❤ your mother