06 October 2020

Dear Laca,

On the subject of other women...

The most important thing I’ve learned in life is that other women are not my competitors.

I’ve always looked at other women as competition. If she has a man on her arm, why did he like her and not me? If she got into a college I wanted, why did they like her instead of me? If I walk by a group of her giggling friends, why do they find her funny and not me?

I don’t have any gems about how to avoid that kind of thought. I still probably do it depending on my own insecurity at the time.

I can say that it robbed me of having a tight group of girl friends for most of my life. Which sucks, because when I did stop considering girls as competition, I found some of the best people I’ve ever known.

There are certain things that other girls can do for you that you miss by only surrounding yourself with men.

There are superficial (but not trivial!) things, like girls will tell you when your eyeliner is running or if your hair looks like a mess. Which totally boosts your confidence because your girls have your back and you’re free to feel great.

There are social things - like nuance. A girl will know that there’s a difference between “that’s fine” and “hell yeah!” and ask you about it. It’s important to practice unpacking and expressing your head-space, because if you don’t practice knowing yourself, then it’ll be impossible for others to know you… and that, my girl, is a lonely time.

It’s easier to be vulnerable with other women. We all have our own insecurities (I have quite a few, hopefully I’ve been open with you about mine. You should keep me honest and ask.) and shame is such a sneaky thing. It only has power, though, if you don’t talk about it. Girl-chat is such a good outlet for speaking your embarrassment and shame, and knowing that your full self - vulnerability and all - is enough.

Here’s a list of my faves TV inspiration should you need it

❤ your mother