24 May 2021

Dear Laca,

On the subject of virginity...

Okay girl, buckle up because this is going to be one hell of a rant 😂

The concept of virginity is totally made up. It doesn’t actually exist and - not for nothing but it’s incredibly hetero-normative.

You’ll probably hear people “testing” virginity by defining it as the tearing of your hymen (the thin piece of tissue that may or may not entirely cover your vaginal opening). Which is super dumb because your hymen may not even tear the first time you have vaginal intercourse (mine didn’t until my 3rd sexual partner). It may tear the first time you put in a tampon, or when you go horseback riding. It can also tear, and then heal. Or even be surgically restored. So like… 🙄

It’s such a random concept too because if you’re anything but heterosexual, there are zero definitions for virginity. Like how would you ever define it for two female sexual partners? And I am of the opinion - who the fuck cares.

All this is to say, if you’ve somehow managed to come across the idea that you are somehow less after you’ve had sex for the first time. That you have somehow given something away. That you have somehow transitioned to a sluttier version of yourself…

I want to be explicit and say:

You are the same exact person you were 1 sex ago.
You are to be taken just as seriously.
You are just as valuable.
You are just as important.
You are just as pure.
You are just as intelligent.
You are just as trustworthy.
You are just as believable.
You are just as dedicated.
You are just as classy.

You are simply now exploring a new part of what it is to be human. That exploration can only be too young if you don’t feel ready. You and your body will know what it wants.

❤ your mother